32: 4 Minutes

About life changing moments

When I was nine, I tried out for my primary school’s athletics team. Perhaps you are thinking, like most adults would, that in a life of many important moments, this would not be one of them. You’d be wrong. At nine, it was everything. The first time I felt good at something. The first time I realised nervous anticipation felt like needing to pee. And the first time, my life did not change.

I didn’t fall in love with running then; that came five years later. A family friend, Aunty Ify, took me on a mile-long run, introducing me to running for endurance, not speed. That is when my life changed.

I’ve been thinking about how moments that could change our lives announce themselves quietly, if at all. Sometimes, in the space just before these moments, you can almost taste it- the potential. Everything could be different.

There’s a scene in the final episode of The Marvellous Mrs. Maisel that captures this. After years of climbing the comedy ladder, Midge finds herself inches from the stage of a late-night show. She’s not supposed to be there - to perform, but she’s thinking about breaking the rules. She turns to her manager and says she’s about to do something reckless, something that could ruin them both. In other words, she knew this was the edge of a moment.

The show doesn’t frame this as life-changing (outside that exchange). In reality, Midge’s story isn’t about those four minutes; it’s about the five years leading up to them. But those minutes, right at the end, are the ones that change her life. And she can feel it, just before stepping on stage.

In 2023, when I first watched that episode (and began this essay), I was obsessed with the idea that my life could change. The obsession peaked when I was accepted into a residency in Paris — two months in the city I had always dreamed of. I thought of friends who had gone abroad “just for a while” and ended up staying. Writers who left for MFAs and built whole lives of adventure. This was going to be my four minutes — my chance to stand before an opportunity and feel my life tilt.

In case you are new here. My name is Mo Isu. I am an audio producer based in Lagos, Nigeria. I am currently attempting to build a career in audio storytelling and art. This newsletter features personal essays about my journey. Everything from my biggest anxieties to my newest lessons.

You are reading issue 32

Either making a horrible mistake or the best decision of my life

Suffice to say, my life did not change in the great dramatic way I had expected it could— but it did change.

In 2023, my life felt on the edge of transformation. My first podcast pitch was accepted. I got into a residency. I thought this could be the start of everything.

I remember a coffee date overlooking the Lagos Lagoon, telling my date how some things feel impossibly far until one variable shifts. It takes only one thing.

For example, one day, you're dreaming of Paris, and the next moment, you are there doing work you love. And it only took one email.

It turns out life-changing moments don’t happen the way we expect. Sometimes, the change isn’t visible at all.

For most of my life, I’ve thought about these moments the wrong way. For one, I thought they were the kind of things that only happened once. One moment that, when my life is laid out, could be zoomed in on as the decision that changed it all. The opportunity that orchestrated everything. The one time I was prepared enough to give a four-minute performance of a lifetime

When I first started writing this essay, that’s what I was chasing: how to be ready for my performance. I thought Paris was the performance—that maybe I’d make something so good someone would hear it and say, “Do you want to move here?”

I thought this essay would end with me living some exotic life in a romantic idea of a country, with a string of residencies and fellowships to my name, making respected, world-changing work.

I’ve often wished for a crystal ball that could tell me just one thing: what is the best decision I ever make in my life?

I’ve always wanted to know where my life changes. Where it becomes the life it is written to be.

I’ve always wanted to know about the four minutes in advance. So I can prepare for them. Study for them. Be ready for them.

And that’s my problem. Thinking that it only takes 4 minutes. Thinking your life only changes once.

Since quitting coding—and then quitting my last job in tech—I’ve felt like I was either completely screwing up my life or shaping it into something amazing. And I could never quite tell which. 2023 was maybe the year it became clear that I wasn’t screwing my life up. I was making it up, and that was okay.

Because a life is not a thing to be certain about. You can never really quite know in advance when your life could shift. That type of knowledge only reveals itself in retrospect.

I’m not quite sure if I would have taken any of the decisions I’ve made in my life if I knew where they’d take me.

Maybe life-changing moments are always happening.

But they never look like what you expect them to.

It’s making me think of the keke(tuktuk) ride where I first had the idea to start a podcast. I remember doing research for a friend and thinking to myself: Why don’t any Nigerian podcasts exist that sound like what I hear on NPR? Maybe I should make one.

I did not plan a career when I had the thought.

But that’s the thing about life-changing moments, right…

Since my last issue…

I started a podcast playground for early and mid-career audio producers in Nigeria. I curate it with two friends, and we think of it as a space to experiment with the craft of audio storytelling. The three of us have each produced (completely different kinds of) stories on the podcast, and we provide support to any newbie producer interested in contributing.

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